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Home > The Joke Book > Potpourri PotpourriThis page is a collection of humor that just doesn't fit into the other categories of The Joke Book. I hope you enjoy these as much as I do! (Can't find a story? Some have been moved to Silly Stories.)
Objection!A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?" "Objection, your honor, hearsay!" shouted the other lawyer. There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it. "So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?" "Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."
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The Story of the Three Pigs...
She read, "....And so the pig went up to the farmer, pointed to the straw in his field, and said, "Pardon me, sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused and asked the class, "And what do you think the man said?" After several moments a little boy raised his hand and said, "I bet he said, 'Holy smoke, a talking pig!" (Ms. Mosley was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.)
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A friend and I went fishing last summer. We got our fishing licenses and rented a nice boat. We found a nice spot where the fishes were biting the bait as seemingly as fast as we could get our lines in the water. In no time at all, we had caught our daily limit.
"How are we going to find this spot tomorrow?" my friend asked. "I know!" I answered, and I jumped in the water and marked a giant "X" on the bottom of the boat.
We were heading back to shore when my friend remarked, "I don't think that 'X' is going to help us tomorrow." "Why?" I asked.
"What if we don't get the same boat tomorrow?"
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The Grandfather Clock
When it was delivered I set it up in a prominent place in the living room. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that it ran slow! No matter how I adjusted it, the clock lost 15 minutes every hour. Returning to the clock store, I complained to the manager "The grandfather clock I bought loses 15 minutes every hour." He replied, "Well, what did you expect? It was clearly marked 25% off!" |
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A
man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
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Several men are sitting around the locker room of a private club after a round of golf when a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
The Man: |
The Caller: |
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| Hello? | ||
| Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club? | ||
| Um, yes. | ||
| Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are and I just saw this beautiful diamond ring. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it, please? | ||
| What's the price? | ||
| Only $12,000. | ||
| Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much... | ||
| And I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the brand new models. I saw one I really liked and spoke with the salesman. He gave me a really good price... and since we really need to trade in the BMW that we bought last year... | ||
| What price did he quote you? | ||
| Only $62,000 | ||
| Well, OK, but for that price I want it fully loaded. | ||
| Great! But before we hang up, just one more thing.... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Now this might look like a little bit much, but I was reconciling your bank account and well, I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw that house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..." | ||
| So, how much are they asking? | ||
| Only $950,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover... | ||
| Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just offer $900,000. OK? | ||
| OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!! | ||
| Bye... Love you too... |
The man hangs up while slowly shaking his head and closes the phone's flap. Then he holds the phone up and asks to all those present: "Hey, does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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Ms. Mosley, the first grade
teacher, was reading the story of the three little pigs to her new class. Her class was intently listening to every word. She
came to the part of the story where the first little pig was looking for straw to build his home.
Shopping
in a clock store, I found a grandfather clock marked 25% off. It was exactly what I wanted, so I paid for it and had it
delivered the next day.