| Border Collie |
I'll do it! And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. |
|
| Dachshund |
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! |
| Rottweiler |
Make me. |
| Lab |
Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!
Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? |
| Golden Retriever |
The sun is shining, the day is
young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying
about a burned-out bulb? |
| Great Dane |
Do any of
you need to reach the light bulb by climbing on my back?? |
| Malamute |
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. |
| Jack Russell Terrier |
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and
furniture. |
| Doberman Pinscher |
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch. |
| Boxer |
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the
dark. |
| Mastiff |
Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark. |
| Chihuahua |
Yo quiero Taco Bulb. |
| Pointer |
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there. |
| Greyhound |
If it isn't moving, who cares? |
| Australian Shepherd |
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ... |
| Old English Sheep Dog |
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb. |
| The Cat |
Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the question is:
"How long will it be before I can expect light?" |
Now on to the more traditional
"How many _____ does it
take..." |
| How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb? |
Eight. One to work the bulb and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for
every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world. |
|
| How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light
bulb? |
We just determine that the room is dark; we don't actually
change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file from a previous test, rest assured that Development is working
on a bug fix. |
| How many Microsoft shipping department personnel does it take to change a
light bulb? |
We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days. If you call before 2 PM, and
pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight. Don't forget to put your name in the upper right hand corner of
the light bulb box. |
| How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a
light bulb? |
None. Bill Gates will just redefine
Darkness™ as the new industry standard. |
| How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb? |
One. But they'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for
a Mac user. |
| How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? |
None. That's a hardware problem. |
| How many computer hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb? |
None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature. |
| How many Tech Support folks does it take to change a
light bulb? |
We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems
to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be
four or five things wrong… have you tried the light switch? |
| How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? |
You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would
inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message. |
| How many software developers does it take to change a
light bulb? |
The light bulb works fine on the system in my office.
Not reproducible. |
| How many Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb? |
100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking
Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank",
and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:...... consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by
blanks". |
| How many database people does it take to change a light
bulb? |
Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one
to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to
change the light bulb at the same time. |
| How many Sales People does it take to change a light bulb? |
Just one but it'll take technical support weeks to sort out the mess left
behind. |
| How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? |
I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday. |
| How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? |
We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out,
and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder. |
| How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a
light bulb? |
None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs. |
| How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? |
Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws
the bulb into the water faucet. |
| How many board meetings does it take to get a light
bulb changed? |
This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but
is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile... |
| How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb? |
45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork. |
| How many cable TV installers does it take to change a
light bulb? |
Three. One to turn up the day before when you're out;
One to change the switch; One to bring along the wrong sort of light bulb. |
| How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? |
Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight. |
| How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb? |
Eleven. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the
Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Dr. McCoy to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking
around, finds that they have no more new lightbulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines.
Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet to obtain a light bulb from the natives. Meanwhile, Uhura
hails the local government, Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, and 3 Red Shirt Security Officers beam down. The 3 security
officers are promptly killed and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a
Klingon ship approaching and orders Chekov to warp out of orbit to escape detection. McCoy cures the native king who is
suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all the light bulbs they can carry.
Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk, et al. The new bulb is
inserted by an Apprentice Mechanic and the Enterprise continues with its five-year mission. |
| How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? |
Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000 |
| How many Policemen does it take to change a light bulb? |
Two: One to change the light bulb while the other takes notes on how the previous
one came to have accidentally fallen down the stairs |
| How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb? |
Six. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? |
| How many country western singers does it take to change a light bulb? |
Three. One to change the bulb, and two to sing about the old one. |
| How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? |
Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... ... and one to
change the bulb. |
| How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb? |
Many hands make light work. |
| How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? |
None. It's left to the reader as an exercise. |
| How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb? |
Two: One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it
before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out). |
| How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb? |
Depends on what you want to change it into. |
| How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? |
Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change. Or none; the bulb
will change itself when it is ready. |
| How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb? |
Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done. |
| How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb? |
None: "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark. |
| How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb? |
None: A "Real Woman" would have plenty of real men around to do it. |
| How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb? |
Only one, but it sure takes a lot of light bulbs! |
| How many professors does it take to change a light bulb? |
Only one, but he’ll get three research papers out of it. |
| How many sorority sisters does it take to change a light bulb? |
51. One to change the bulb, and fifty to sing about the bulb being changed. |
| How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? |
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the
old one for the next 10,000 years. |
| How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb? |
One: but it takes at least three light bulbs. |
| How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? |
None. If the government would just leave it alone, it will change itself. |
| How long does it take a TV repairman to change a light bulb? |
It depends on how many burnt-out light bulbs he brought with him. |
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