H i ! Funny Headlines


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Home > The Joke Book > Funny Headlines

Put it in writing

If it's in writing, it must be true (right?). Well, believe it or not, these are actual newspaper headlines:
 
bulletBritish Study Finds Less Traffic When Roads Close

bulletIraqi Head Seeks Arms

bulletTomatoes come in Big, Little, and Medium Sizes

bulletTeacher Strikes Idle Kids

bulletSun or Rain Expected Today, Dark Tonight

bulletDirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier than Clean Ones, Study Shows

bulletClinton Wins Budget, More Lies Ahead

bulletPlane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

bulletCouple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide

bulletBible Church's Focus Is On the Bible

bulletLawmakers to Consider Housing Felons in Jail

bulletCold Wave Linked to Temperatures

bulletNew Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

bulletStatistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25

bulletIf Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

bulletFish Lurk in Streams

bulletMiners Refuse to Work After Death

bulletMalls Try To Attract Shoppers

bulletFederal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

bulletLarger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find

bulletSafety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

bulletWar Dims Hope for Peace

bulletSome Phone Psychics Provide Useless, Erroneous Information

bulletRetirement Will Be Cheaper If You Spend Less

bulletOfficial: Only Rain Will Cure Drought

bulletStolen Painting Found by Tree

bulletLow Wages Said Key to Poverty

bulletTyphoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead

bulletLack of Brains Hinders Research

bulletSurvey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut

bulletPolice Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

bulletCourt Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear

bulletTwo Sisters United After 18 Years in Checkout Counter

bulletHow We Feel About Ourselves is the Core of Self-Esteem, Says Author

bulletBritish Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

 


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