H i ! Bread Hazards


Home
Back

Email Randy

Buy 12 Roses Get 12 FREE! Click Now!

 
Guestbook by GuestWorld
Sign My Guestbook
Read My Guestbook

Home > The Joke Book > Bread Hazards

Bread Hazards

Important warnings for those who have been drawn unsuspectingly into the use of bread:

bulletMore than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
 
bulletFully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
 
bulletIn the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
 
bulletMore than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
 
bulletBread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
 
bulletPrimitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
 
bulletBread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
 
bulletBread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
 
bulletBread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
 
bulletNewborn babies can choke on bread.
 
bulletBread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
 
bulletMost American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
 

In light of these frightening statistics, the following bread restrictions are proposed:

bulletNo sale of bread to minors.
 
bulletA nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete with celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
 
bulletA 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
 
bulletNo animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
 
bulletThe establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

 



Home | eBay Listings | The Family Room | Furby! | Baby, the Gorilla | Inspiration | The Joke Book
The Kitchen | Leadership | Left Behind | My Pets | Personal Finance | My Links | Webmasters | Awards Won
 FAQ | Site Map | Privacy Policy | The End | Visit Randy's Mart

www.RandysHomestead.com © Copyright 1999-2008